The conversation is the crucible of a relationship.

This is where they take shape and develop – for better or for worse.

All conversations, even the difficult ones, should advance the relationship in some way.  They should be productive and dynamic interactions.

That doesn’t mean they are easy.fierc

If however, we allow a pattern of avoidance we are essentially allowing the viral proliferation of a toxic culture.

Worse than that, failing to tackle difficult issues will accelerate decay.

In her book Fierce Conversations, Susan Scott aptly tackles the topic of facing the most challenging conversations.  She lays out seven principles which inspire bravery and action.

 

1.  Interrogate reality

To get anywhere you will need to cut through perception, misunderstanding and emotional backlash.  You can achieve this by focusing on facts.  What undisputed observations can you use to anchor the conversation?

2.  Be fully present

There has been so much written lately about mindfulness. And yet, we are more distracted than ever before by workload, stress, meeting overload and device addiction.

Productive discussions are only possible if they are built on a foundation of respect.  So switch off (your devices and distractions) and switch on (by paying 100% attention to the other person).

3. Obey your instincts

The discomfort that you feel about the most difficult conversations is powerful. That very discomfort is a marker of an underlying issue that must be brought to the surface.  It may take bravery to address the issues, but the reward is peace of mind.

Intuition is often undervalued in the business world. But this world is made up of people that think and feel in equal measure. Hone your ability to receive the spoken and unspoken messages from others.

4.  Take responsibility for your emotional wake

People may not remember what you said but they will remember how you made them feel.  What can you do or say to ensure the other person feels valued, appreciated and understood rather than belittled, undermined and threatened.

This is especially true for leaders.  The responsibility that comes with people management brings your ’emotional discharge’ into the spotlight.

5.  Let silence do the heavy lifting

Humans abhor silence as nature abhors a vacuum.

Ask great questions then shut up and listen.

6.  Come out from behind yourself

One of the biggest obstacles to productive dialogue that you will face is yourself.  Examine and understand your personal patterns of behaviour, pressure points, triggers and vested interests.

Brene Brown clearly struck a chord in her overwhelmingly popular TED talk on the power of vulnerability where she beautifully provides a fresh perspective on this concept.

7.  Tackle your toughest challenge todaythe conversation is the relationship

And so a challenge!

Take that meeting out of your too hard basket and schedule it in your calendar.